I was 41 when I gave birth to my son.
I was fortunate. I was successful in my position as Director of Training at a non-profit, had lived my 20’s and 30’s enjoying my friends, and family, and found the love of my life at 39. For decades, what I feared would never happen, did. We got pregnant shortly after our wedding and 9 months later our beautiful little boy came into the world. He came into my life.
I wasn’t alone in the “mommy for the first time over 40 club”. While I share this honor with women we’ve all seen, such as Halle Barry, Salma Hayek, Uma Thurman, and Julianne Moore, I also share this with the millions whose names most people don’t know. And probably will never know. Those famous women, though, probably never get the questions and comments such as, “Is he yours”? or “Is this your grandchild”?
First of all, to anyone who has ever asked this question of anyone, don’t do it again. It’s rude, at best. Second of all, it’s hurtful. Knock it off. Is it possible that I could have given birth 20 years prior and now I’m a grandmother? Sure, it’s possible. But that was not the path my life took. And I didn’t take a bad path. I didn’t take the wrong path. Please don’t ask questions which make that part of my mind question myself for my life’s journey. Please don’t reduce my life and my experiences to my age. Asking me if he’s mine because you think that I’m possibly his grandmother is frankly, classless. I know I’m not alone in that thought, either.
I may not be one of the world’s prettiest ladies, and perhaps I could use a little more moisturizer, but I’m certainly not anyone’s picture of a grandmother just by looking at me.
Newsflash – currently, the average first marriage for women is now in their 30’s. Birth rates for women over 40 have increased four-fold in the last 10 years. Get with it and don’t assume that just because someone doesn’t look like they are right out of college doesn’t mean that they aren’t a new mom.
I just don’t understand the choices some people make.
Ladies, let’s share our wonderful journeys and maybe even laugh a little. And, hopefully, those others will learn from us.