Yes, he’s mine.

Yes, he's mine. Joyfully Mom

I was 41 when I gave birth to my son.

I was fortunate. I was successful in my position as Director of Training at a non-profit, had lived my 20’s and 30’s enjoying my friends, and family, and found the love of my life at 39. For decades, what I feared would never happen, did. We got pregnant shortly after our wedding and 9 months later our beautiful little boy came into the world.  He came into my life.

I wasn’t alone in the “mommy for the first time over 40 club”. While I share this honor with women we’ve all seen, such as Halle Barry, Salma Hayek, Uma Thurman, and Julianne Moore, I also share this with the millions whose names most people don’t know. And probably will never know. Those famous women, though, probably never get the questions and comments such as, “Is he yours”? or “Is this your grandchild”?

First of all, to anyone who has ever asked this question of anyone, don’t do it again. It’s rude, at best. Second of all, it’s hurtful. Knock it off. Is it possible that I could have given birth 20 years prior and now I’m a grandmother? Sure, it’s possible. But that was not the path my life took.  And I didn’t take a bad path.  I didn’t take the wrong path.  Please don’t ask questions which make that part of my mind question myself for my life’s journey.  Please don’t reduce my life and my experiences to my age.  Asking me if he’s mine because you think that I’m possibly his grandmother is frankly, classless. I know I’m not alone in that thought, either.

I may not be one of the world’s prettiest ladies, and perhaps I could use a little more moisturizer, but I’m certainly not anyone’s picture of a grandmother just by looking at me.

Newsflash – currently, the average first marriage for women is now in their 30’s. Birth rates for women over 40 have increased four-fold in the last 10 years. Get with it and don’t assume that just because someone doesn’t look like they are right out of college doesn’t mean that they aren’t a new mom.

I just don’t understand the choices some people make.

Ladies, let’s share our wonderful journeys and maybe even laugh a little.  And, hopefully, those others will learn from us.

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  • urmybff

    WOW, awesome and boy o boy, I am so very proud of you.
    The grandmother comments are like anvils dropped on your heart that refuses to stop beating. That’s because the magic that is having a child (no matter at what age) is the most powerful force-field ever.
    Just remember one thing, once the person who has insulted you realizes what they’ve done they will remember the offense for a very long time. Much longer than you will…if you let it go. They will remember you and know that as they are holding their grand children and handing them over at the end of the day you still have that first contact with your child. As much as they say they love to spoil and give them back to their kids they miss their own babies and secretly wish for those first moments all over again.
    But basically they will cringe every time they remember that they might have (did) hurt your feelings. They learned their lesson. It really does hurt them more.
    Life offers the best lessons at the most unexpected times?

    Oh and one of the women who called me a grandmother knew me in passing before she made the mistake. For several years after, each time our paths crossed she apologized for the insensitive comment.

  • Ana

    Congratulation! He is so cute and you two look so good together! I also have a boy – he just graduated from college. Enjoy every second. Time flies. 🙂

  • Congratulations on your marriage and little boy. We have to stop trying to fit people in boxes. We each have our own journey and life is life. It can be crazy good and hard and frustration and joy-filled. Can’t we just love each other and stop judging on either side? Enjoy your little guy and don’t even give other opinions a second thought.

  • I had my first two kids back to back and then waited almost 5 years to have my little guy. I think about when I take him to kindergarten someday soon, there will be moms there with their first child who will probably be 15 years younger than me! But motherhood is tough and we all need to just need to lift each other up…who has time for judging and being rude!!!